She is Fierce

Gratitude doesn't come naturally to her. She has to work at it. Her brain takes her places and tells her things and tries to put her in a box with a too tight lid.

The other day, her thoughts took her to the "Look at what your friends are doing" mode. Never a good place to be but sometimes it sabotages her at just the right moment and swipes her feet out from underneath her. Some of her friends do some traveling to lovely places. Something she has always desired...something she had "planned on for the future" while living life. Now that time has come and the opportunities appear somewhat limited. Finding balance can be hard.

So she focuses on those travelling friends and feels discontented, disgruntled, discouraged. She hears her partner talk about his travel, she dines with him and his ex and they touch on places they have been together and those feelings grow. Eating at the good stuff, the awareness, roof over your head, money to pay the bills, the family and friends....making them seem small, unimportant.

But this girl, she is a fighter!!! And sooner or later, she sees the shadow for what it is and recognizes how it slowly it crept in to steal what she has worked so hard for.

Her partner did travel to lovely places and experienced those different cultures. He was lucky to do that. But he did that while she was raising a family. Would she trade her family for those experiences? Hell no.

To combat the shadow, the ugly voice, she conjures pictures of the people she loves the most and realizes that she'd trade them for nothing because they are precious and make up what is truly good in life.

Fuck off shadow! Shut the hell up you ugly voice.

She's back in the saddle and riding high....